http://bbs.yahoo.cn/read-htm-tid-12546976-ds-1-page-1.html#14732986張若虛《春江花月夜》英譯對比資料
(曾沖明2013年1月2日)
春江花月夜
張若虛
春江潮水連海平,海上明月共潮生。
滟滟隨波千萬里,何處春江無月明?
江流宛轉(zhuǎn)繞芳甸,月照花林皆似霰。
空里流霜不覺飛,汀上白沙看不見。
江天一色無纖塵,皎皎空中孤月輪。
江畔何人初見月?江月何年初照人?
人生代代無窮已,江月年年只相似。
不知江月待何人,但見長江送流水。
白云一片去悠悠,青楓浦上不勝愁。
誰家今夜扁舟子?何處相思明月樓?
可憐樓上月徘徊,應照離人妝鏡臺。
玉戶簾中卷不去,搗衣砧上拂還來。
此時相望不相聞,愿逐月華流照君。
鴻雁長飛光不度,魚龍潛躍水成文。
昨夜閑潭夢落花,可憐春半不還家。
江水流春去欲盡,江潭落月復西斜。
斜月沉沉藏海霧,碣石瀟湘無限路。
不知乘月幾人歸?落月?lián)u情滿江樹。
最近我在網(wǎng)上讀到兩種英譯。為了對比,有人將二者逐句并列在一起。
我這里整體地復制這兩篇譯文如下:
許淵沖譯:
The Moon over the River on a Spring Night
Zhang Ruoxu
In spring the river rises as high as the sea,
And with the river's tide uprises the moon bright.
She follows the rolling waves for ten thousand li,
Where the river flows, there overflows her light.
The river winds around the fragrant islet where
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.
You cannot tell her beams from hoar frost in the air,
Nor from white sand upon Farewell Beach below.
No dust has stained the water blending with the skies;
A lonely wheel-like moon shines brilliant far and wide.
Who by the riverside did first see the moon rise?
When did the moon first see a man by riverside?
Many generations have come and passed away;
From year to year the moons look alike, old and new.
We do not know tonight for whom she sheds her ray,
But hear the river say to its water adieu.
Away, away is sailing a single cloud white;
On Farewell Beach pine away maples green.
Where is the wanderer sailing his boat tonight?
Who, pining away, on the moonlit rails would learn?
Alas! The moon is lingering over the tower;
It should have seen her dressing table of the fair.
She may roll curtains up, but light is in her bower;
She may wash, but moonbeams still remain on the stone.
She sees the moon, but her husband is out of sight;
She would follow the moonbeams to shine on his face.
But message-bearing swans can't fly out of moonlight,
Nor letter-sending fish can leap out of their place.
He dreamed of flowers falling o’er the pool last night;
Alas! Spring has half gone, but he can’t homeward go.
The water bearing spring will run away in flight;
The moon over the pool will sink low.
In the mist on the sea the slanting moon will hide;
It's a long way from northern hills to southern streams.
How many can go home by moonlight on the tide?
The setting moon sheds o’er riverside trees but dreams.
張庭琛譯:
Spring, the River, Flowers, the Moon Night
Zhang Ruo-xu (666-720)
In spring the river swells level with sea,
The bright moon rise mounting the tide.
Waters flash with infinite light.
Where on the spring river is there no bright moon?
The river winds through flower fragrant fields,
Glistening in the moonlight like beads of ice.
Who can see the frost alight,
Or tell the island’s white sand from the moon’s white glow?
The sky, the river—one perfect hue.
Bright, bright—the solitary circle in the sky.
When did the moon first shine on men?
Who first saw the moon from the riverside?
Human beings, generation after generation without end,
See the same river, the same moon:
Does anyone know whom she awaits?
We see only the long river moving on.
A wisp of cloud lingers in the sky
What household tonight has a wanderer adrift upon the tide?
Upon what lonely woman’s roof does the moon shine?
Pitiful, the light playing upon the house,
Moving over the dressing table of one left behind.
Impossible, to brush it off the washing block, or
Rolling down the blinds, to keep it out.
Green Maple Pond!
So far! Unbearable!
Now we only trace each other’s likeness in the moon.
If only I could stream down upon you in the moonlight,
Or send a message by the fish that leaping from the water plungesto
The depth or by the wild goose that soaring high into the skyremains within the brightness.
Last night I dreamt of petals falling
Into the stillness of the pond,
A pity, half the spring—passed without your returning.
Spring! Almost exhausted, swept away with the river’s waters.
Now dim, hidden in a sea of rising mist,
The moon slants westward over the river and the pond.
Endless, the road from Jieshi to the Xiang River.
How many will return by moonlight?
Setting, the moon seems to shake the flowering trees alongthe
River with unquiet thought.
我以前寫過兩篇文章,但未曾英譯。今英譯如下:
曾沖明譯:
The Moon Shines over Spring River
by Zhang Ruoxu
春江潮水連海平﹐
During spring the tide makes the river as high as the sea,
海上明月共潮生。
Along with the tide the bright moon rises above the sea .
滟滟隨波千萬里﹐
She makes the waves glitter for thousands of miles,
何處春江無月明。
Where the spring river flows there the moonlight shines.
江流宛轉(zhuǎn)繞芳甸﹐
The river winds around the green islet full of plants
月照花林皆似霰。
In the moonlight look like a frost the fragnant flowers.
空里流光不覺飛﹐
We cannot express how fly in the air the bright beams,
汀上白沙看不見。
We cannot see clearly white sands on beach by the river.
江天一色無纖塵﹐
No dust has stained the waters blending with the skies;
皎皎空中孤月輪。
The moon shines briliant like a single plate made ofsilver.
江畔何人初見月﹐
Did I come to riverside to watch the moon tonight first?
江月何年初照人。
When would the moon see me as a traveler at home first?
人生代代無窮矣﹐
The world continues endless, generation after generation.
江月年年只相似。
The moon shines above the river alike from year to year.
不知江月待何人﹐
But who knows for whom the moon shines bright and wait?
但見長江送流水。
We can see the long river send off its waters foreever.
白云一片去悠悠﹐
And we can just watch the white clouds in the airfloat.
青楓浦上不勝愁。
The riverside with green maples fill my heart with griefs.
誰家今夜扁舟子﹐
Who else sail the little boat on the river tonight besides?
何處相思明月樓。
Where is her chamber in the moonlight and how far is it?
可憐樓上月徘徊﹐
What a pity to watch the moon lingering over her chamber!
應照離人妝鏡臺。
It should be that she isn't at the dressing at present.
玉戶簾中卷不去﹐
The curtain should not be rolled up and the window closed.
搗衣砧上復還來。
She might come out to wash clothes on that bank of river.
此時相望不相聞﹐
We cannot see and hear each other though we look at thebanks.
愿逐月華流照君。
I wish just to follow the moonlight to shine on you, my dear.
鴻燕長飛光不渡﹐
But neither the birds nor the moonlight couldn't send mylove;
魚龍潛躍水成紋。
I watch the ripples form as the fishes swim under the waters.
昨夜閑潭夢落花﹐
Last night I dreamed of petals falling on our shallow pond.
可憐春半不還家。
I'm sorry I can't be back yet though has gone half a spring.
江水流春去欲盡﹐
The spring comes to the end along with the river flowing.
江潭落月復西斜。
The moon declines again over the deep river right now,
斜月沉沉藏海霧﹐
Where the declining moon sinks into a thick frost;
碣石瀟湘無限路。
It's a long way from the Rock Jieshi to the Xiang River.
不知乘月幾人歸﹐
And how few travelers could return home in the moonlight?
落月?lián)u情滿江樹。
The setting moon makes the traveler homesick at the greenriverside.
以上是逐句翻譯。現(xiàn)整合如下:
The Moon Shines over Spring River
by Zhang Ruoxu
During spring the tide makes the river as high as the sea,
Along with the tide the bright moon rises above the sea .
She makes the waves glitter for thousands of miles,
Where the spring river flows there the moonlight shines.
The river winds around the green islet full of plants
In the moonlight look like a frost the fragnant flowers.
We cannot express how fly in the air the bright beams,
We cannot see clearly white sands on beach by the river.
No dust has stained the waters blending with the skies;
The moon shines briliant like a single plate made ofsilver.
Did I come to riverside to watch the moon tonight first?
When would the moon see me as a traveler at home first
The world continues endless, generation after generation.
The moon shines above the river alike from year to year.
But who knows for whom the moon shines bright and wait?
We can see the long river send off its waters foreever.
And we can just watch the white clouds in the airfloat.
The riverside with green maples fill my heart with griefs.
Who else sail the little boat on the river tonight besides?
Where is her chamber in the moonlight and how far is it?
What a pity to watch the moon lingering over her chamber!
It should be that she isn't at the dressing at present.
The curtain should not be rolled up and the window closed.
She might come out to wash clothes on that bank of river.
We cannot see and hear each other though we look at thebanks.
I wish just to follow the moonlight to shine on you, my dear.
But neither the birds nor the moonlight couldn't send my lov
I watch the ripples form as the fishes swim under the waters.
Last night I dreamed of petals falling on our shallow pond.
I'm sorry I can't be back yet though has gone half a spring
The spring comes to the end along with the river flowing
The moon declines again over the deep river right now
Where the declining moon sinks into a thick frost;
It's a long way from the Rock Jieshi to the Xiang River.
And how few travelers could return home in the moonlight?
The setting moon makes the traveler homesick at the greenriverside.
【附】曾沖明舊稿:
許淵沖教授英譯《春江花月夜》研讀與詳析
張若虛《春江花月夜》這首詩,幾年前我泛讀過許老的英語譯文。這是許老自己十分欣
賞與重視的譯品,多次放置在序言的位置,并附有一位世界名人的贊許。包括2008年出
版的《續(xù)憶似水年華》(是長江文藝出版社出版的那本,不是半年后三聯(lián)書店出的那本
),也是這樣安排的。最近我研讀了許老的韻文英譯。同時還讀到許老全文引用的
Charbles Budd 1912年的譯品。Charbles Budd也是主張自然押韻的,因為譯文只有少
數(shù)幾行在末尾“押韻”(即同音節(jié));可能是由于外國人理解原文的難度問題,個別地
方似乎未必切合原文;但從英語的通順與地道來說,顯然非我們中國翻譯家可比。
現(xiàn)在分節(jié)逐句地研讀分析許老的譯文,難免不妥與錯誤,請予批評指正。
春江花月夜
張若虛
春江潮水連海平﹐海上明月共潮生。
滟滟隨波千萬里﹐何處春江無月明。
A Moonlit Night on the Spring River
By zhang Ruoxu
In spring the river rises as high as the sea,
And with the river's rise the moon uprises bright.
She follows the rolling waves for ten thousand li,
And where the river flows there overflows her light.
“何處春江無月明”意譯出“春江在哪里流,哪里就流淌或溢出月光?!眗ise在第一行
是動詞,在第二行是名詞;uprise vi. 通常表示起床、起身;起義、暴動;詩里可以
表示日月的“升起”,但the moon uprises bright. 加用bright,是為了跟light押韻。
江流宛轉(zhuǎn)繞芳甸﹐月照花林皆似霰。
空里流光不覺飛﹐汀上白沙看不見。
The river winds around the fragrant islet where
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.
You cannot tell her beams from hoar frost in the air,
Nor from white sand upon the farewell Beach below.
這一段是意譯;wind是動詞,在主句中作謂語,表示“蜿蜒繞行”?!霸抡栈纸运砌?br />”譯成從句(where)
The blooming flowers in her light all look like snow.“霰”意譯成snow“雪”
,跟below押韻;但這里用the farewell Beach below翻譯,不知根據(jù)什么?合適嗎?
而且,the farewell Beach還是像下文那樣寫成Farewell Beach?另外,這里寫hoar
frost,用英語寫的Commentary里,卻用hoary frost;看來譯者本人對自己的英語也像
是猶豫不決,舉棋不定。
江天一色無纖塵﹐皎皎空中孤月輪。
江畔何人初見月﹐江月何年初照人。
No dust has stained the water blending with the skies;
A lonely wheel-like moon shines briliant far and wide.
Who by the riverside first saw the moon arise?
When did the moon first see a man by riverside?
成語far and wide(到處,各地)用得好,因為wide還可以跟riverside押韻。
為了“押韻”而用復數(shù)skies,此處用得不錯(雖然離現(xiàn)代口語遠了點),因為它表示
“天色、天氣”;比如in the sky里,就不能換成復數(shù)skies;我再引用兩句詩作為例
證:
拜倫愛情詩《She Walks in Beauty》開頭四行寫:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
這里就用了復數(shù)skies,表示“天色”,即“天空的景色”;
約翰.濟茲《On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer》中間部分也出現(xiàn)這種用法:
Then fell I like soe wwatcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cottez when with eagle eyhes
He start’d at the Pacific and all his men.
有趣的是:這兩處,都是skies與eyes照應并押韻。原來天空的景色在吸引詩人的眼球
?。?br />人生代代無窮矣﹐江月年年只相似。
不知江月待何人﹐但見長江送流水。
Ah, generations have come and past away;
From year to year the moons look alike, old and new.
We do not know tonight for whom she sheds her ray,
But hear the river say to its water adieu.
有兩個英語問題。ray(光線)多用復數(shù),如果用單數(shù),前面要用a;“月亮”譯成復數(shù)
moons,對嗎?old and new修飾moons好嗎?
adieu感嘆詞,表示“再見“;用來意譯“但見長江送流水?!?br />白云一片去悠悠﹐青楓浦上不勝愁。
誰家今夜扁舟子﹐何處相思明月樓。
Away, away is sailing a single cloud white;
On Farewell Beach are pining away maples green.
Where is the wanderer sailing his boat tonight?
Who, pining away on the moonlight rails would lean?
the moonlight rails對嗎? pine vi憔悴, 消瘦;對人用pine away “消瘦”,楓樹
難道也用pine away “消瘦”?我前面提到過Farewell Beach根據(jù)什么?
最后一句在語法上有問題:
Who, pining away on the moonlight rails would lean?
可憐樓上月徘徊﹐應照離人妝鏡臺。
玉戶簾中卷不去﹐搗衣砧zhn上復還來。
Alas! The moon is lingering over the tower,
It should have seen the dressing table of the fair.
She rolls the curtain up and light comes in her bower;
She washes but can’t wash away the moonbeams there.
直譯原文,基本表達了原文意思,中國讀者容易接受。
此時相望不相聞﹐愿逐月華流照君。
鴻燕長飛光不渡﹐魚龍潛躍水成紋。
She sees the moon, but her beloved is out of sight;
She’d follow it to shine on her beloved one’s face.
But message bearing swans can’t fly out of moonlight,
Nor letter-sending fish can leap out of their place.
后兩行或后兩句直譯原文“鴻燕長飛光不渡﹐魚龍潛躍水成紋?!钡玬essage bearing
swans不合乎英語語法;而半復合詞letter-sending 在詞典里也找不到。
昨夜閑潭夢落花﹐可憐春半不還家。
江水流春去欲盡﹐江潭落月復西斜。
Last night he dreamed that falling flowers would not stay,
Alas! He can’t go home although half spring has gone.
The running water bearing spring will pass away;
The moon declinging over the pool will sink anon.
譯文一直保持四行。直譯原文,基本表達了原文意思,中國讀者容易接受。但half
spring has gone不地道;后兩句的分詞與將來式的用法,就值得商榷。原來也與押韻
有關(guān),第四行用副詞anon(以后,不久以后)為了跟gone押韻,于是只好相應地兩次用
will表示“將來式”了!
斜月沉沉藏海霧﹐碣石瀟湘無限路。
不知乘月幾人歸﹐落月?lián)u情滿江樹。
The moon declining sinks into a heavy mid;
It’s a long way between South River and East Sea.
How many can go home by moonlight who are missed?
The sinking moon sheds yearning o’er riverside tree.
“斜月沉沉藏海霧”為何譯成The moon declining sinks into a heavy mid?a heavymid表示什么意思呢?
總之,許老的譯文參考與借鑒了別人的譯文,但自己也費了功夫,特別是讓每行末尾押
韻,難能可貴。在許老的諸多譯品中,應該說是較好的。但也還是有多處英語錯誤。特
別是語言顯得不怎么地道,有中國式英語之嫌?!驹俑健?br />剛才找到我以前從網(wǎng)上看到一篇未見署名的譯文,復制如下:
SpringRiver's Flowery Moon-Night
As Spring River surges to sea-level height,
The moon arises from sea with swelling tides
To glisten on waves for thousands of miles
Till the river is awash withmoonlight.
While the river wanders round the fresh strand,
All flowers under moonlight turned snow-white,
Unnoticed in the air is frost in flight,
Invisible in the field is white sand.
With the lonely moon in firmament bright
And the river as speckless white as the sky
Who's first to see the moon on the riverside?
And when did the moon on man first shedlight?
As endless are the offsprings of mankind,
Years after years the moon looks all alike,
For whom is it on the river standing by
As waters leave the banks far, farbehind?
Like a piece of white cloud drifting away
That can't appease sorrow at Qingfeng bay,
Whose man tonight rowing the boat is he?
Where in moon-lit bower love-sick is she?
Grieve for the bower haunted with moonlight
That should reflect upon her toilet stand,
That draperies can't draw up out of sight,
And that can't be smashed by her laundryband.
Since we share the same sight rather than sound,
I'd chase the moonshine that flows upon you,
As flying swans are but in moonlight found
And diving fish only leave ripples inview.
Last night of petals falling to a lagoon
I dreamed, yet haven't been home for half a spring,
Oh, spring will flow away with river's stream,
As west o'er the lagoon now sets themoon.
The moon now sunk beneath the misty sea,
Vast from Jieshi to Xiaoxiang it must be,
Has anyone gone home by treading moonlight
That trembles feelingly on a river-tree?
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